Infertility & Maternity shoots


Hi, this is my first ever blog, and honestly, I’m so not a writer. I don’t even know where to start.


I’ve been struggling with infertility for over two years now. The first year, I was in denial. I kept hoping things would just work out on their own until I finally went to see an OB and found out I have prolactinoma. I don’t even really remember how I felt in that moment, but I do remember the doctor reassuring me that everything would be fine once I started medication to get my prolactin levels down. Of course, I went into a Google frenzy trying to figure out what prolactinoma even was. Turns out, my body thought I was either pregnant or breastfeeding, which stopped me from ovulating. The doctor told me a lot of women with this condition were able to get pregnant once their levels were brought down. That gave me hope, I just had to wait three months.


Those three months turned into six. Then my doctor put me on Letrozole, a medication meant to help me produce more eggs for ovulation. She told me it could slightly increase my chances of having multiples, which honestly excited me. I was hopeful again. I waited another three months, still no positive test. I was at my wit’s end. I finally told my doctor how frustrated I was, and she referred me to a fertility clinic.


That referral opened a whole new chapter . One filled with an IUI attempt that didn’t work, countless injections, and starting IVF. It’s been overwhelming, and there have been so many moments where I’ve just broken down. Some days, I feel strong. Other days, I feel like I can’t keep doing this. I have been poked and prodded over 33 times in just two weeks. Blood draws, injections, and ultrasounds feel endless. I’ve spent so much money, and with each appointment, test, and medication, I can’t help but wonder, What if this still doesn’t work? Infertility isn’t just physically draining. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting too. Some days I feel like I’m running on fumes, just trying to hold myself together. Other days I get a small burst of hope that keeps me pushing forward. I know this journey doesn’t have a guaranteed ending, but I’m still here, doing everything I can to give myself a chance.


My husband doesn’t talk much about his feelings. He’s always calm and steady, reminding me to trust in Allah’s plans. And I do, I really do. But sometimes I just wish he would sit with me in the sadness too. I wish he’d cry with me or dream with me about what could be. I know his intentions are good, and I know he’s trying to keep us both grounded. But the lack of verbal communication makes me feel like I’m going through this alone sometimes. It’s hard when I’m carrying all these emotions and trying to keep them to myself so I don’t weigh down my friends or family. I guess I’m scared of feeling like I’m trauma dumping or putting a damper on their mood.


I have done so many maternity shoots while going through this that sometimes it feels like a cruel punishment. Every time a client asks me if I have kids, my response is always, “Not yet.” I get to capture the joy of couples as they prepare to welcome their babies. I won’t lie, it gives me a little pang in the heart every time. I’m truly happy for them, but I’m sad for myself.


That’s another obstacle I wasn’t prepared for. Having to over-exaggerate my happiness when my friends announce their pregnancies just so they don’t think they hurt me. Or so they won’t be scared to tell me. In the time I’ve been trying to conceive, I think I’ve had almost 10 friends announce their pregnancies. It’s not that I’m not happy for them, because I really am. But it’s hard to keep putting on a brave face when my heart feels so heavy.


Today, I found out I have 19 mature follicles at my ultrasound. My trigger shot and retrieval day are coming up in the next few days.


I hope and pray that the next time I write, I’ll have a happy ending to share, insha’Allah.